Costa Clems

I was born in 1981. I don’t know all the ins and outs of everything that means, but I know a few things that it means. It means I was born in a time with no cell phones, no internet, no gps, no social media, no constant feeds, and no streaming video services. But I also got to see each of those things gradually introduced into life one by one as I grew up. It means I went to school in the 90’s which I’m sure doesn’t mean anything if you didn’t go to school in the 90’s but means everything if you did, and it means that I was a senior in high school during the Columbine High School attack and it changed how we viewed safety in schools and mental health among high school students.

It means that when I was 20 the terrorist attacks of September 11th happened and I watched the Twin Towers fall, live on TV, and sat glued to the television when we couldn’t stream whatever coverage we wanted and just had to watch as the various news anchors tried to help us figure out what was happening and how we were going to respond.

It means that when I got married in my 20’s and started having kids that they grew up in the mid 2000’s when their parents (us) didn’t have smartphones or Siri yet to figure out everything and we had to read books and still kinda guess what we were supposed to do as parents. It means that when my friends were organizing a 10-year high school reunion in 2009 Facebook was still cool and everyone was on it and connected to their high school friends and it wasn’t the polarizing rage factory that it has become.

It also means that my oldest daughter is now 21, that I’ve been married to my wife Jenna for 23 years, and that I just turned 45 on February 23rd. Not that 45 is some super specific milestone or marks a mid-life crisis or signals some crossing into a new phase of life. There are 45 year olds that are still single and [maybe] trying to find the right person to marry, there are 45 year old grandparents, there are 45 year olds whose oldest child is just starting kindergarten, and there are 45 year old empty nesters. It’s kind of a vast varying span where your 20’s greatly influenced how you now experience your 40’s.

But it’s a nice solid number, 45, and it’s definitely an age that when I was young I would have considered old. And it’s an age where you can’t really think of yourself as young anymore, maybe not old, but definitely not young. According to Google AI (not something that existed most of my life and is apparently wrong about 60% of the time and they are fine with that number) the median age in the world is 31 in 2026, so I’m 14 years older than the average person on earth, which maybe justifies a little melancholy reflection on age and life.

I had a great birthday, the four of us here in Costa Rica drove 3 hours down the Caribbean coast to one of the southernmost beach towns in the country right on the border of Panama. We stayed in a nice little room a short walk to the beach and swam in the warm ocean water. Something that, growing up primarily in the Pacific Northwest and in Illinois, I have never done in February. We ate good food, played games, read books, buried our children in the sand, and walked through a national park – watching waves crash against the unevenly eroded rocks, seeing eagles, crabs, fish, toucans, banana spiders, and armies of leaf cutter ants.

I also got a text from my 21 year old daughter who is recently married and she told me she loved seeing the pictures of us having fun, and appreciated the ways in which I had led her as a father. She said she was also jealous because it seemed like her youngest sister and brother were getting this experience and this time when I was present 24 hours a day and not working away from home and that they were getting to know me in a different way and spend time with me that she never did. Because I was working; I was selling insurance door to door, I was loading bags on airplanes, I was flipping burgers, I was working in churches and going to school and we didn’t have money to go on a lot of vacations.

From 2009 until 2022 I worked on commission based on sales. There was no one who could do my job for me when I was away, there were no paid vacations or paid holidays, I just had to hustle. I worked additional side jobs during those years too so my wife could stay at home and it was incredibly stressful. We balanced debt from one credit card to the next trying to take advantage of 0% interest rates, we sold and bought cars to pay bills or move financing around, we had good years and lean years, but I never knew when or how much the next paycheck would be for 13 years while raising 4 kids. I wasn’t at home very much.

Ironically I’ve also been told by the two who are with me 24/7 and “get” to spend all this time with me and build relationship that they both want to leave home and go out on their own as soon as possible. Which sort of shows that sometimes it’s also about life stage not necessarily finances and availability.

This isn’t much of an update about Costa Rica, it’s more of a reflection on turning 45. And as I sit here on a Sunday afternoon with my laptop, in a hammock, looking at palm trees, watching my son feed chickens and ducks while my daughter is out on a bike ride…I see that God is good. Not because of where I am, or what I’ve done, or what I’ve made of my life, but because He is good and provides ways for us to experience good.

When we had negative money in our checking account and the term ‘savings account’ was a fictional joke to me, God is good. When we lost jobs, lost houses, lost parents, lost health, God is good.

When my daughter wishes we’d had more relational time but thanks me for how I led and sacrificed for my family, God is good.

When my youngest tells me he can’t wait to leave here and go out on his own, God is good.

I don’t know if I’ve yet reached what Paul says in Philippians, that he has learned the secret of being content in plenty and in want, but I think I’m a lot closer at 45 than I was at 25, and the secret wasn’t somehow trying to get plenty in the midst of want. I was learning that in want, God was still good and that a kid who grew up poor, transient, and without consistent access to her dad was still able to see where God had been gracious and good in her life and through mine. And that when I have a kid that spends all day every day working alongside me and can’t wait to get out, I know God is good and will bring him to a place where he understands the goodness of God as well… and I hope he learns at least some of it before he is 45.

When you get a chance, reflect on your life, reflect on the goodness of God. Don’t spend your life in the pursuit of wealth or pleasure or happiness – pursue joy which is found in the goodness of God.

{Editor’s Note: Hi, it’s me, Jenna. I edit Bill’s blog posts. Sometimes he writes things from a perspective that I disagree with (imagine that!) and he said I could note perspective differences if I want and with this post, I want. I feel its important to say that our younger two, though eager to spread their wings and fly, do not want to do so because of an urge to be away from their ever-present dad (or mom). They have both expressed that their biggest motive to “go out” on their own is to get back to the States. Back to their friends. Back to a place where they speak the language. Back to family and their church. Back to where getting a job and growing a family make sense to them. But I believe they appreciate the time they’re getting with us here. I expect one or both of them will stay here longer than they expect to. And even if they don’t they will be happy to visit us. Maybe I’m saying all this out of insecurity and desperate hopes. But I don’t think so. Just wanted to throw my two cents in. Also…. Happy Birthday, Billy. It was a fun trip and I’m glad we got to celebrate you in such an amazing place. You’re still my favorite.}